Episode 10

#10 Birth Story – Bree and Matt The Matrescence Podcast

In this episode Bree sits down with her husband Matt to discuss the birth of their first child in 2018.Falling pregnant at 21, Bree decided to give birth through her local public hospital as part of their Midwifery Group Practice program.  Together Bree and Matt discuss the lead up to their birth which included some major life changes and growth as a couple, and the birth itself which they feel was ultimately very positive, but not empowering. They touch on how their birth and postpartum experiences shaped their decisions about when to have more children and what that would look like for their family.Key themes: Young mum, Public Hospital Birth, MGP Program, Epidural, Second Degree Tear, Positive Birth, Challenging Postpartum, Homebirth.  

Transcript

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Kelly: [00:00:00] The birth of a baby is a defining moment in a woman’s life. 

[00:00:15] Bree: [00:00:15] But what about the birth of a mother? 

[00:00:17] Kelly: [00:00:17] That’s right when a baby is born. So two is a mother. This 

[00:00:21] Bree: [00:00:21] transition from woman to mother has a name it’s called Matrescence. 

[00:00:26] Kelly: [00:00:26] This developmental stage is as powerful and irreversible as adolescence, and yet few women have ever heard of it.

[00:00:33] Bree: [00:00:33] So let’s 

[00:00:33] Kelly: [00:00:33] talk about it. Let’s talk about it. Each episode, we will bring you honest and thought provoking conversations, evidence-based research and knowledgeable guests in order to help you emerge a more powerful and aligned version of yourself. So 

[00:00:48] Bree: [00:00:48] join us your hosts. Kelly and  Bree we attempt to make sense of Al Matrescence journey and to help you make sense of yours.

[00:01:02] Alrighty. So today’s episode is going to be a little bit different because as you will soon notice there is no Kel in her place. We have my husband, Matt, who is joining me today to tell my birth story, uh, the story of how our first son came into the world. Now while it was only three years ago and it’s still pretty fresh in our minds.

[00:01:23] There are definitely some details that I’m sketchy on. And I think that he’ll really add to this story by being here. And I think also so often when we tell birth stories, we leave out the partners and I think that they have really valuable insight to share on what it’s like from their perspective. So I’ve reluctantly roped him into recording this with me.

[00:01:44] Our son is at daycare today, which means we have both the time and the peace and quiet to actually record this, which is really exciting. And recording this today has two purposes. So firstly for you, the listeners, I’m hoping and assuming that you share my passion for listening to birth stories, I am about 250 episodes deep into the Australian birth stories podcast.

[00:02:09] If that gives you any indication of my dedication. Um, and if you haven’t listened to that before, I would definitely recommend checking it out. And I guess on a personal level, we really wanted to record this for ourselves and our children to listen to in the future. While more details are still fresh, because I think that these stories are so incredibly important and we really wanted to have this.

[00:02:36] So I hope you enjoy today’s episode. We’re really looking forward to sharing it with you and being that I am now 31 weeks pregnant in a few short months time. I will have another one to share with you. So let us know if you enjoy this and if you want.

[00:02:55] All right. So Matt, welcome to our podcast. I know you have been dying to be a guest. 

[00:03:01] Matt: [00:03:01] The sarcasm is really strong and feeling great. Thanks. I just woke up so excited to be awesome. Yeah. I’m super excited to be in my own home.

[00:03:14] All 

[00:03:14] Bree: [00:03:14] right. So I’m going to take you right back to the beginning before I was even pregnant and. At that time, I was, I’m tempted to say 21. Does that sound right to you? That seems about right to me, which means that you were 31. So how were you feeling about having kids? Did you think you were ready or were you still on the fence?

[00:03:36] Did I have to convince you, or was it the other way? 

[00:03:40] Matt: [00:03:40] Uh, I don’t think it was really a case of you having to convince me. I think, you know, as you would have already known. I wanted to have kids when, you know, by the time I was 

[00:03:53] Bree: [00:03:53] 30 and we met when Matt was 28 and he was very clear that he wanted kids five 30.

[00:04:00] Matt: [00:04:00] So we had to adjust his expectations. I want to have kids with you by the time I’m 30. But I did say that I always wanted to have kids by the time I was 30. 

[00:04:09] Bree: [00:04:09] And eventually you adjusted that to, I want to be done by 40, so we’ve had to negotiate. So you were feeling pretty ready. 

[00:04:18] Matt: [00:04:18] Yeah, I guess you could say I was feeling as ready as you can be.

[00:04:22] I don’t think anyone’s ever really ready. 

[00:04:24] Bree: [00:04:24] That is the understatement of the year. But I guess what we’re saying is that we, we did make this decision. We decided that I would come off birth control. So I had been on birth control for the best part of gosh, five, seven years specifically. I had the implant on rod in my arm.

[00:04:44] So it’s a very conscious decision to. Start to think about conceiving because you have to go and have that removed. So we decided that we would do that. And we would, I mean, I guess the conversation was kind of, it may take a while for my periods to return and to normalize being that I hadn’t had a period for many, many years and that we would start trying, but not trying to.

[00:05:09] Have a baby. Yeah. So the doctor advised us. So we had a three-day window where the contraception would still be effective and then we needed to start using other birth control. If we didn’t want to conceive. And as things unfolded, I can saved on the second day. So that was a lie. Um, we very lucky that that has not been a challenge for us.

[00:05:36] Um, we’re very aware that it, it definitely is for some people. Yeah. So we didn’t know straight away. Um, we were waiting for my period to return because I hadn’t had one yet. And we’re a little bit confused about why, uh, gosh, a month on, I still didn’t have one. So this led me to go have an ultrasound where they confirmed.

[00:05:56] I had just ovulated and should expect by period in the best part of a week, which was not what I wanted to hear. Cause we were about to head overseas for our first holiday as a couple to Bali, but nonetheless, we prepared for it. It’s fine. So we headed over to Bali and what happened in Bali? 

[00:06:17] Matt: [00:06:17] Um, we stayed in the worst part of Cooder 

[00:06:20] Bree: [00:06:20] possible.

[00:06:21] That end. Oh, we got engaged. Yeah. That’s what I was alluding to, which in hindsight is really lucky because three days later we came home and I found out that I was pregnant. And if those things that occurred the other way around, I would have been quite worried that you had just married me. Because he knocked me up.

[00:06:41] So I was very grateful that you snuck that in beforehand. 

[00:06:44] Matt: [00:06:44] Yeah. I think the reality is like, you know, the thought I was gonna marry you anyways. It came as quite a surprise. And then, uh, a very pleasant, one extra little surprise there a couple of 

[00:06:54] Bree: [00:06:54] days later. Yeah. So it was a big week for us. It was a lot to process.

[00:06:59] Matt: [00:06:59] I still think that we got married because we were pregnant, but we actually didn’t know that. So it’s an interesting 

[00:07:05] Bree: [00:07:05] story. No, and I guess we started to have inklings that I may be pregnant when we were in Bali. But because I’d been told to expect my period, I was very confident that that was that they would just PMs symptoms.

[00:07:17] Um, but I was now quite, uh, like a couple of months out from having my birth control removed. So I took a test and lo and behold it was positive and that became our little targe. So from the very beginning, I knew that I wanted to access midwifery care in some capacity. Being that we did not have private health.

[00:07:38] So a private obstetrician was not even on the table for us. Um, and I did a little bit of research and I found out that MGP through our local hospital offered the best options in terms of continuity of care. So I went to my GP and I asked to be placed on the waiting list for that, because it is. Not so much competitive, but they have a very limited number of women that they take on.

[00:08:05] And it’s quite hard to get into. So very early on, I put the feelers out and let them know that I wanted to be a part of that. And they came back to me and told me that I’d missed out, which I was pretty devastated about because they didn’t really have any other options. Um, and they suggested that I.

[00:08:22] Join the young women’s MGP program. So I’m not too sure what that age group is, but I believe it’s specifically for teens up until about 20, uh, 2021. Um, but being that I felt like quite an old soul, I didn’t think that they were, that was where I belonged. I wanted to connect with other women who were. My age and older.

[00:08:47] Um, so I declined that and stayed on the waiting list. And eventually I got into the MGP program, which was really exciting. So we met my midwife, Kate, um, when I was, gosh, do you remember. Nope. I think about 28 weeks pregnant. We’d had a little bit of calm, a little bit of contact before then, but I think that was when appointments started.

[00:09:14] So she came to our house and did an intake. Um, and she was lovely. I can’t say we connected with her. In the same way. We’ve connected with our private midwife this time around, but she seemed very capable, um, and efficient and yeah, that went well. Do you think? 

[00:09:32] Matt: [00:09:32] Yeah, she was, she was really nice. She was friendly.

[00:09:34] She was professional, but, um, Yeah. I definitely agree that this time around we’ve we’ve definitely got a much better connection. 

[00:09:42] Bree: [00:09:42] Yeah. So we, after that initial appointment, our appointments took place in our local church where we would begin with a little bit of antenatal education. Um, along with a group of about six to eight other pregnant women who were due around the same time as us, which is a really cool way to receive some education and to start, um, connecting with other mums.

[00:10:04] And then we would be taken back to the, like a little studio kind of thing, or behind a little, what would you call barriers? So it’s kind of like a confessional 

[00:10:12] Matt: [00:10:12] really? 

[00:10:12] Bree: [00:10:12] Yeah. Um, to have. You know, all the normal pregnancy checks done, uh, the baby’s heart listened to it with the Doppler and, um, all that jazz.

[00:10:23] So we continued with those appointments right up until I was about, I think my last one was maybe 37 weeks. And at that point I was in. Early Labour. Anyway, so throughout the pregnancy, I would say I was a pretty good pregnant woman. Didn’t complain too much. Do you reckon? 

[00:10:43] Matt: [00:10:43] Yeah. I mean, as far as my first experience with living with a pregnant woman, when it was, it was all right.

[00:10:50] It was definitely, um, moments that were challenging, uh, like comforting you when you just started crying because the dog left you and things like that. And emotional time. Oh, yeah, we got through it. So we 

[00:11:04] Bree: [00:11:04] did, and it was a huge time of change for us being that we just got engaged. We weren’t previously living together prior to this, we had separate finances.

[00:11:12] We had to renovate and all the different things. So it was a huge, huge time for us. Um, but we got through it and, uh, coming into 37 weeks is when things started happening for us. So 37 weeks hit. And I felt as though I was experiencing Labour, I was up all night. I was getting quite bad cramps. I couldn’t sleep.

[00:11:36] Um, and no one was kind of taking me seriously. I was saying, I think I’m going to have this baby soon. And everyone probably rightly kept reassuring me that I was going to go till 40 weeks. So don’t get my hopes up. Would you have stoked about? I was miserable. I was absolutely huge and it was the middle of summer and I was just grumpy and over it, like, don’t talk to me.

[00:12:04] Don’t want to hear it. Um, so we went into that 37 week appointment and I could hear all the other women going behind. The green thing and they were asking them, how are you feeling? And they were all saying, yeah, really good. I feel great. And when it was my turn, I just was like, Oh, and started tearing up.

[00:12:24] I felt miserable. And at that point I was like, can you induce me? And I’m very against induct. Like personally, I was very against induction. There was no need for me to be in. 

[00:12:38] Matt: [00:12:38] Sure. I was probably asking the same thing. Can you inject just to get me out of this living? Hell 

[00:12:44] Bree: [00:12:44] yeah. Well, we were like going on like maybe two nights at that point of early Labour.

[00:12:50] Matt had been up all night, like massaging my back and my bomb, which was killing me and. The midwives looked at me and were like, absolutely not, no way. So full context. This is on Wednesday and it continued that way until I had him on Sunday. Is that right week. Um, but anyway, we carried on and through that week, eventually they midwife gave me the all clear to use the tens machine on my back.

[00:13:20] And that was the first time that I was able to actually get any rest. Cause by that point I was absolutely exhausted as I’m sure you were. Yeah. That was working nights and then coming home and supporting me in the early mornings and during the day and yeah, it was a lot, so. Um, come 37 weeks and three days I had a friend come over and we did a few natural induction things, but I was a terrible sport.

[00:13:45] I wasn’t willing to do pretty much anything. Nipple stimulation. Nope. Walking. Nope. Squats. Nope. Just nothing. Yes. Um, and that night I actually had the best sleep that I had had always, and I woke up in the morning and sent her a message and said, what have you done? That had the opposite effect and I feel great.

[00:14:10] So thanks a lot. Basically. Labor’s not coming, 

[00:14:15] Matt: [00:14:15] Charles is stuck in here for at least another two weeks. Yeah. But I did 

[00:14:19] Bree: [00:14:19] feel good and it was the first time I thought, okay, I’ve got this. I can continue on. Um, so I had actually lost my loop mucus plugged the night before, but I know that that doesn’t necessarily mean that labor’s coming.

[00:14:32] So I didn’t think much of it. Um, but that morning I hopped up, walked out. We were living with my parents at the time, sat on their white leather lounge and my waters broke. 

[00:14:45] Matt: [00:14:45] Dad’s disgust. 

[00:14:46] Bree: [00:14:46] My dad was 

[00:14:47] Matt: [00:14:47] horrified 

[00:14:50] Bree: [00:14:50] and I just kind of sat there and was like, Hey, I think my water’s just broke. And my mom’s like what?

[00:14:57] And I was like, yeah, either that, or I paid myself and I’m still paying myself and she’s like, Oh, get up off the lounge, 

[00:15:06] Matt: [00:15:06] protect the lounge at all costs. So I 

[00:15:08] Bree: [00:15:08] ran to the shower stripped off. And kind of thought, okay. Wow. Like I felt so caught off guard by it. Despite nine months of preparation and a week of early labor.

[00:15:21] Like that moment was like, Oh my God, I’m having a baby. It was mind blowing. Um, so I hopped in the shower and thought I’m going to wash my head riot and, you know, expect Labour to start in the next 24 kind of 48 hours. And as soon as I hopped in the shower, I had my first contraction and I was like, what?

[00:15:42] Like what, usually you get a delay between, you know, what does breaking contraction starting? And so I felt really caught off guard by that as well. And they continued to come from the very beginning, about five minutes apart. So pretty intense, pretty quickly. So very quickly, my plans of like blow drying and straightening, my hair were going out, out the window and I thought I should probably wake Matt up.

[00:16:11] So what was that like for you? 

[00:16:14] Matt: [00:16:14] It was a joke at first. Cause you were filming me at the time and you woke me up and you’re like, my waters just broke and I was like, huh. And you’re like, my water is just broken. I was like, Oh God, what are we doing? We need, we 

[00:16:28] need 

[00:16:28] Matt: [00:16:28] to do 

[00:16:28] Bree: [00:16:28] stuff. 

[00:16:30] Matt: [00:16:30] Do we need to get a bag? Let’s go.

[00:16:31] Let’s go. Are we going to the hospital now? What’s happening. I need to drive. Can I drive like this? I don’t know. I’m so tired. 

[00:16:36] Bree: [00:16:36] What’s going on? Just kind of panicked. Matt had been working all night and it was only 8:00 AM when my waters broke. So he was not well rested. And in hindsight, I should’ve let him sleep, but I woke him up and everyone just started panicking.

[00:16:50] We weren’t. I think we realized in that moment how unprepared we were, because my, my app was like screaming at me to go to the hospital based on how far apart my contractions were. Matt was trying to work out what to do. My mum was like, hurrying us out the door. I could not decide what to wear. I was like still upset about the fact that I wasn’t going to get to blow dry and straighten my hair.

[00:17:15] And I just felt totally overwhelmed. Um, But we called the midwife. They said to head in, uh, and that they would check to make sure it was my waters, which is bizarre because it was definitely my waters. And then they would likely send us home. Um, in hindsight, I would have just stayed at home for a lot longer.

[00:17:35] I think we headed to the hospital way too early. Yeah. We 

[00:17:39] Matt: [00:17:39] had a lot of toast in that 

[00:17:40] Bree: [00:17:40] time. Yeah. So we headed to the hospital and unsurprisingly, my contractions pretty much stopped, um, as I do for so many women and that was. Just confusing and disorienting for me. Uh, we also had found out that my midwife was on a day off and my backup midwife was a day on a day off.

[00:18:00] So we were expecting the third midwife. Um, and once we arrived at the hospital, it became clear that it was actually the fourth midwife who luckily we really liked. She was lovely. Yeah. So we felt really lucky. Um, I walked into the hospital with a towel between my legs because I was. Pretty much gushing water and hadn’t had the full side to put a pad on.

[00:18:24] Um, and I remember we walked into the elevator. And do you remember the guy in the elevator? 

[00:18:31] Matt: [00:18:31] Uh, no. To be honest, some of this is a distant, distant memory and probably repressed 

[00:18:35] Bree: [00:18:35] trauma. He looked him that and he goes. Good luck mate. So we walked into triage and, um, we were seeing pretty quickly, I think we were quite lucky.

[00:18:46] We, we got taken through and they did a vaginal examination as they inevitably do on admission. And it was by far the single most painful, um, Point of my whole Labour. It was absolutely awful. Um, and I think just at that point, we were left in the room and we were not feeling supported and we felt out of our depth, Matt didn’t know what I needed.

[00:19:14] I didn’t know what I needed. Yeah. I had no idea what 

[00:19:16] Matt: [00:19:16] was going to be honest. I was just in this room with you. And you were in pain and hot. And I was trying to work out how to support your uncle you down and had a pair of board shorts that I was using as a fan, swinging them 

[00:19:30] Bree: [00:19:30] around the room. And he was conscious that he had to go move the car or he’d get towed.

[00:19:34] And I was like, you leave me 

[00:19:38] Matt: [00:19:38] going on. So 

[00:19:40] Bree: [00:19:40] eventually they, so we could move through to birth suite. I was three centimeters and the, um, I guess, midwife who met us. Who worked in the hospital. Um, tell me to get dressed and we’d go on through. She was awful. Honestly. Um, but I was like, it’s fine. I’ll go naked.

[00:19:59] I’m not getting dressed. And she’s like, 

[00:20:02] Matt: [00:20:02] no, no, 

[00:20:03] Bree: [00:20:03] we need to walk through the waiting room. Like he needed to get dressed. And I was like, I’ll go naked blank, no way. 

[00:20:08] Matt: [00:20:08] It’s not the first time you’ve said that in your life. But eventually they convinced me to put 

[00:20:13] Bree: [00:20:13] that in our pants on. And we walked through the birth suite.

[00:20:17] And by that point, Honestly, everything had just kind of like imploded. I felt completely overwhelmed. I felt terrified. I felt unsupported. And that was just due to a lack of preparation in hindsight. Um, but at that point I let them know that I wanted an epidural thinking that it would be quite a while until I got one.

[00:20:37] Um, so I wanted to voice that concern early. At that point, I didn’t want to be stuffed around. I just wanted it to happen. Um, and it’s not a decision that I regret, but I would make very different choices. Um, if I was to do it over, so they organize the anesthetist quite quickly, um, who came? They did it, it was relatively painful and I had pretty immediate relief.

[00:21:08] Relatively painful or pain, less pain. The left. Did I say painful? 

[00:21:12] Matt: [00:21:12] I was going to say, I didn’t think it was that 

[00:21:13] Bree: [00:21:13] painful to the contractions. It didn’t feel like anything to me. Um, and yeah, that was over and done with, and then everything just calmed right down. And, um, being that I wasn’t in pain anymore, everything just felt a lot more manageable.

[00:21:30] And we went on to have a really. Positive birth. Um, in hindsight, I wouldn’t say that it was by any means empowering for me, uh, which is why I’ve made different choices about the birth this time around, but it was really positive. So, um, I had the epidural about 1230 and, um, We just, I laid in bed, ate lots of toast.

[00:21:56] I think, I think I ate six pieces through my Labour, at least. So the midwife’s main job was making me bed. She might toast. Um, and we just chatted and laughed. And eventually I started to have some pain returned around. What time was he born? He was born at 4:00 PM. 4:00 PM. So around 3:30 PM, I started to feel some pain again.

[00:22:18] And, um, we thought the epidural may need to be topped up, but she said she would check me first and she found that I was fully dilated. Which again was shocking, like when you were in labor and this is coming, but when she was like, Oh, we’re going to have your baby in a few minutes. It was so shocking for both of us.

[00:22:39] Um, it was like, finally, gosh, Provo. Well, it was really quite a short Labour in the grand scheme of things. Very efficient Labour, uh, here. Um, no doubt, thanks to the Santos and as well, but. We’ll ignore that. Um, so she checked me and I said, I wasn’t really feeling ready to push, so we’d give it a little while.

[00:23:00] Um, and we gave it about 10 minutes and then I did feel ready. And I think I pushed for about 10, 15 minutes, not long at all. She encouraged me to lie on my side and hold one of my legs up, which is. I’m really great position to minimize tearing. So I was grateful for that in hindsight. Um, and yeah, I pushed for not long at all.

[00:23:26] And eventually his head was delivered and she encouraged me to reach down and feel his head. And that was incredible. Like one of the best moments of my life, it felt so surreal and really encouraged me to. Push the rest of him out. Um, and so the next push I pushed, I think Matt had a look. She encouraged you to have a look down there.

[00:23:50] Yeah. 

[00:23:53] Matt: [00:23:53] Yeah. It sounds nice. I it’s like watching your favorite pub burned down, but it was yeah. Once in a lifetime experience, it’s beautiful. He did. 

[00:24:02] Bree: [00:24:02] He’s seen a lot more babies emerging from the vagina since, because I show him a lot of birth photography.

[00:24:11] Matt: [00:24:11] You need to watch this, 

[00:24:12] Bree: [00:24:12] but he did snap, a beautiful photo of TA-ships head coming out, which I really cherish. So I’m glad that happened. Um, but yeah, next push. I delivered his shoulders and the rest of him came out in one, go. And, um, he came out super clean. I thought I was prepared for, you know, bloody and Vernick see, but he was like, it’s clean.

[00:24:34] Perfect little baby. He let out a little cry, but overall he was just so calm and quiet. Yeah. Which 

[00:24:41] Matt: [00:24:41] for me was concerning. I was like, it’s new meant to be crying. Like, is he okay? What’s going on? Yeah. 

[00:24:48] Bree: [00:24:48] Yeah. And the midwife’s like, no, it’s fine. He’s great. You know, no problem at all. Um, and they put him on my chest straight away and.

[00:24:58] Yeah, it was just so peaceful. I remember Matt saying that you were shocked that there was just the one midwife and us in the room, like in the movies, there’s so many people and they come running in and doctors and pediatricians and all that. And it was just us, which was really lovely. Yeah. The expectations 

[00:25:13] Matt: [00:25:13] were really different, you know, obviously when you see things like that, your only point of reference is movies and TV and stuff like that.

[00:25:20] So to be. In the room and there only be a midwife. And so it was kind of like, where’s the doctors, like where’s the other people that can deliver this baby. Like, I can’t do it. What’s going on 

[00:25:32] Bree: [00:25:32] here. Yeah. And it was, it was really common. Beautiful. And we spent about, um, maybe an hour or so having skin to skin before they took Taj to weigh him.

[00:25:44] Matt cut the umbilical cord. Um, and you had a little look at the placenta, which was cool. And then eventually, um, I think I breastfed him before you had a whole didn’t you? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. So we didn’t really attempt the breast crawl again. It’s something that I want to do next time, but I felt really anxious to get him latched on.

[00:26:07] I was quite anxious about breastfeeding in general and I just wanted. That to happen. Um, so the midwife helped me attach him and he had a great first feed and it was really positive. And eventually as the sun was setting, Matt had a little cuddle with a nice big window in our room. It was really peaceful.

[00:26:25] And we, um, got wheeled up to the maternity ward. Now we had told our family and friends that we didn’t want them to visit us in hospital being that we only had an 18 hour discharge. Um, but pretty soon we were like, wow, like this is awesome. Like, look at what we created. Cold, older people. 

[00:26:45] Matt: [00:26:45] He wants to come on anybody because if you want to.

[00:26:48] Feel free. 

[00:26:48] Bree: [00:26:48] Yeah. So like 7:00 PM. All of our family members came up to the hospital and that was such a nice time. They brought food and drinks and were so excited and really embraced us and congratulated us. And, um, yeah, that was a beautiful, beautiful experience. It’ll Conduent downhill from there for you, Matt, didn’t 

[00:27:09] Matt: [00:27:09] it?

[00:27:10] Oh, it was a rough night. That one. Yeah. I don’t know. I think it just, all of the energy and emotions and all of that stuff throughout the day, you know, I had to kind of try and be on point to make sure that I was supporting you as best as I could. And not really. Deal with what was going on for me at the time.

[00:27:31] So, um, that night as I was leaving the hospital, like I just had the most cracking headache ever and walking to the car to get the car from parking, I just stopped and like vomited on the foot part. Cause I was just so exhausted and overwhelmed. And um, yeah, so that was, that was a big. Yeah. 

[00:27:56] Bree: [00:27:56] And I think that, you know, we didn’t have a traumatic birth, but in a way it was quite traumatic for you seeing me so distressed and really having no clue and no tools on how to support me.

[00:28:06] Yeah. 

[00:28:06] Matt: [00:28:06] And also being helpless too, you know, in that situation, there’s not a lot that you can do other than trust that everything’s going to be okay. That, you know, your. Doing the best that you can, that the midwives know what they’re doing, et cetera. And you’re just sort of like a spectator and a cheerleader who’s there to support and be like, Hey, you’re doing a great job.

[00:28:25] Keep going. 

[00:28:27] Bree: [00:28:27] Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, ideally you’ll be an active participant and that’s why we’ve made different choices this time, but you were very much a actively look after the child. Um, And so I actually, Matt could’ve stayed the night, but I, I suggested that he go home because I was feeling great. My epidural was good.

[00:28:46] Um, I had actually had a second degree tear, which is quite normal for first time moms, um, which required five stitches. Um, but I couldn’t feel it yet. Cause I had the epidural. So it’s like, I feel amazing. Go home, have a rest. I’ll see you in the morning. And pretty much, as soon as he walked out, I was like, Oh my God, I’m alone with this baby.

[00:29:06] My epidural wore off. I couldn’t sit up to get. He came out of his cot, a little bassinet thing. Um, I couldn’t sit up to feed because I was in so much pain. I had buzzed the nurses and they weren’t coming to give me pain relief. And so I think before Matt even got to the car, I was like, can you ask my mom to come up and keep me 

[00:29:27] Matt: [00:29:27] company?

[00:29:29] Cause I remember getting home to your parents’ house where we were living and your mom was asleep on the couch for something different and just walking in and being like. Where he wants you to go to the hospital, wake up. 

[00:29:42] Bree: [00:29:42] And my mom was super enthusiastic about it. Um, so she came up and. And said, you know, why don’t I hold the baby?

[00:29:51] And you’ll just, you can just close your eyes for 20 minutes. And I was really reluctant because I didn’t want to put him down. I didn’t want to part with him, but I was exhausted. And that was about maybe, was it midnight or about two? Oh, it would have been at least two or three in the morning, two, a three.

[00:30:07] Um, and I opened my eyes again and it was like seven o’clock in the morning and I was like, I’ve had a baby. Where’s the baby, who’s got the baby. And I was so disoriented and I sent her a message and she was like, it’s fine. We’re just 

[00:30:21] Matt: [00:30:21] wondering the holes, watching the sunrise. It’s been beautiful by the nurses being outside with the baby, but 

[00:30:30] Bree: [00:30:30] she still says that that was one of the best days of her life.

[00:30:34] That time that she got to spend with him. 

[00:30:36] Matt: [00:30:36] Yeah. I have the same kind of experience too that morning, like where I. You got to take him. And, you know, we went and sat in the hallway and I showed him. The sun and, you know, outside and 

[00:30:47] Bree: [00:30:47] all that kind of stuff. So that’s really cool. Yeah. So that morning we, um, we were actually discharged, we went home about 11, so I’d given birth at four.

[00:30:56] We went home at 11 the next day, um, which some people feel really apprehensive about, but I knew that I would be supported at home and I was looking forward to getting home to my own bed. Um, so the morning was jam packed, full of appointments, hearing tests and pediatrician checks, and. It was honestly really overwhelming.

[00:31:17] And I felt like I had no opportunity to feed the baby. I just wanted to be like, can I have my baby back to feed him? Um, but we got through it, we headed home and it all began so overall it was a pretty positive experience. Um, for me, how about for you? 

[00:31:37] Matt: [00:31:37] I mean, it was the first time that I had had the experience too, so, um, Yeah, I guess it was positive as it could have been for that first time.

[00:31:48] Um, you know, knowing differently now and making different choices the next time round. I think that we’ll have an even better experience and, um, yeah. 

[00:31:59] Bree: [00:31:59] Yeah, for sure. I agree. And when we got home, I started breastfeeding. My milk came in after about 24 hours and I had so much milk. And apart from the normal kind of nipple trauma that comes with early day breastfeeding, we had a really positive breastfeeding journey.

[00:32:17] And we went on to, I fed him for about two and a half years. Um, before one day I, after being up all night with him and feeding him all day, I just said to Matt, I am never. Breastfeeding him again. And I didn’t, that was the last time 

[00:32:32] Matt: [00:32:32] I think it was him trying to buy a nipples off. That was one of the kind of lost 

[00:32:36] Bree: [00:32:36] earlier we got through the biting.

[00:32:39] It was brutal, but we got through it. Um, but then at two and a half, he started to fade like a newborn again, and it was just too much. And I really enjoyed fading up until that point. And I didn’t want it to be. You know, ruined in my mind by the end. So we called it quits and that was, we had a really easy weaning process.

[00:32:58] Um, Yeah, but the way that my kind of postpartum journey went, made it really tough for me to contemplate going back and having a second baby for quite a long time. I thought that I would be someone who would have two kids quite close together, but once the reality T of motherhood set in, I was like, maybe we’ll have like an eight year age gap.

[00:33:19] Like, what do you feel about that? 

[00:33:22] Matt: [00:33:22] I’ll be about 40 by then. Yeah. And Matt, Matt at 

[00:33:25] Bree: [00:33:25] that point was starting to feel a bit. Bit of pressure. Um, so we went back and forth, but you know, you very much left it to me. And then one day in August last year, I was like, I’m ready. And I think I fell pregnant the next day.

[00:33:41] So 

[00:33:44] Matt: [00:33:44] it was not a slow process. That’s for, she 

[00:33:46] Bree: [00:33:46] did not have any 

[00:33:47] Matt: [00:33:47] time to change my mind, which was the first time that we had sex after I think we might have another baby. 

[00:33:55] Bree: [00:33:55] Yes. So I don’t know if you feel lucky or 

[00:33:58] Matt: [00:33:58] ripped off by that, but I get to have sex one time. So yeah, of course that had to be the time that we had a baby.

[00:34:09] Yeah. 

[00:34:09] Bree: [00:34:09] So again, incredibly lucky. And I’m now 31 weeks. Pregnant. We are planning to have a home birth in sometime in may, ideally, um, could be as well, April, if it’s as late as June, don’t talk to me. We’ll be, I’ll be in a very sad place. Um, but we’re really excited and looking forward to that and hopefully, uh, in two short months time, we’ll have a second birth story to share with you.

[00:34:36] Matt: [00:34:36] Hopefully one that doesn’t involve me vomiting on a footpath, 

[00:34:39] Bree: [00:34:39] less chaotic for Matt. We hope so. Thank you for listening today. I hope you enjoyed it. And we’re looking forward to sharing our experts story with you 

[00:34:49] Matt: [00:34:49] all.

[00:34:53] Thanks for joining us for today’s conversation. If you want to hear more like this, don’t forget to hit subscribe. So you don’t miss an episode. If you’d like to know more about anything we talked about or you heard on the podcast today. Check out our website, http://www.birthofamother.com.edu. You can find us on Instagram at Matrescence dot podcast or send us an email to info@birthofamother.com dot a you, 

[00:35:18] Bree: [00:35:18] if you think of this could benefit from this podcast.

[00:35:20] Take a screenshot of you listening to this episode, to post on your social media and tag us. Alternatively consider leaving a review with your favorite things about the Matrescence podcast. This really helps us to increase our visibility and ensure we are reaching as many women as possible as always thank you for spending your time with us.

[00:35:39] We hope you will tune in next.

Kelly and Bree


kelly@birthofamother.com.au
brianna@birthofamother.com.au

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