I am part way through my journey, my boys are 11 and 12 at the moment (2021) and I can see that almost every day our lives are moving and changing into different phases. With the power of hindsight I can see how much I have stumbled through those early years with them and I don’t want to blindly fumble through the next phase only to wake up as a fifty something year old woman who is not sure of my purpose. I want to live with purpose now and consciously embrace the growth and challenge of matrescence, to really live as through I will emerge on the other side with grown up children and a new and stronger identity as a woman. I don’t want to end the years of parenting younger children feeling lost, I want to use it to fuel me feeling more empowered, stronger and clearer about who I am.
I guess I better tell you a little bit about myself to help… I am 43 years old, married with two children. I work full time in a corporate job and have been with the same company for more than 6 years. While I love my job, and I will keep doing it for the foreseeable future, as the fog of early motherhood started to clear, I got an itch to do something more, something different. There was this overwhelming feeling that there must be more to life than this? That somewhere along the way I forgot what I was meant to be and do and love. I could pick bits in my life that really lit me up, I could pick parts of my job that filled my cup, it certainly isn’t all bad, but I just felt like I was missing out on finding pieces of myself without a passion project of my own.
For me motherhood felt like taking a 5000 piece puzzle that represented my life, breaking it all into pieces and then trying to put it all back together again over time. It’s a long slow and intricate process and at some point when I was part way through I realised that the picture will never be the same again and maybe I didn’t want it to be the same, I had to make a new picture from some of the old and some new. It’s hard to imagine what that should be, but it’s also an incredibly creative process and feels much more engaging to me than trying to find my old self.
There is an awesome saying by ancient philosopher Heracles which loosely translates to “No (wo)man can swim in the same river twice, because they are not the same (wo)man and it is not the same river”. Boom. That says so much right? But we actually expect ourselves to be static on some level! Now sometimes my kids will call me on changing something like “but you said blah blah” and I will be like, “yep, well I changed my mind” or “yep, but I have new information now so I am updating my thoughts on it, what do you think?”
I have been honoured to walk among you and have been reflecting on what it means to be a woman, in this life, at this time. It became clear to me that I wanted to spend time working with others who also want to dive, to delve and to discover themselves underneath what we are told we could; and should be. Basically, now that I know that there is this life transition, called matrescence, like adolescence, now that I have a word for it, that I know I am actually having an experience that is known to be transformative, I have a language for it, I don’t want to hide from it, I don’t want to rush through it. I want to feel it all and share it with you.
After turning 40; about half way through my life by all accounts; it dawned on me that I have tried a few things, learnt some lessons and developed some rules to live by, some thoughts on various things. I have spent a life working harder to be better and to grow. I feel like I have something to say, something to share, but also a desire to listen and to learn through others. I have been lucky to meet Bree on my journey to share this quest with me.
We are not finished. This is not the answer. This is just the start of a new conversation – we are still searching for the right questions to ask!
Join us as we ask questions, share thoughts and reflect on life, love and what “just right” means for us. From conception through birth, and beyond, Matrescence has become my quest. The journey is marked by rites of passage that we struggle to honour in this modern life, but I think are worth acknowledging.